laines: always in style

we go
to the first screening
i am wearing a purple suit, and a cravat
my sister is my date
she is wearing a matching ballgown
i feel like we are overdressed
i also don't really give a flying frack
because it is my movie
it is our movie
and we are going to see it
DRESSED LIKE MOTHERFUCKING ROCKSTARS
everybody everybody
get down get down now
sssssstand up
don't be shy
people people people
get up get up get up
everybody everybody
testify

how far out are you man? i'm pretty far out! that's pretty far out man!

oh there are so many Things to Say.

thank you for all the nice Things that everyone has Said about the empire and our aria adventures. i am excited to have a pointy award for producering (to share with hobobro) and not just musicing. it is nice to try something totally different to what we got famous for in the first place and have people still like it, since it is in my experience that people really hate change. then again, like i read on the alfie-laine.net forums, at least i am not trying to act. seriously guys i can't act i'm fucking terrible why would i ever do that. the only reason i am in the credits of he's just not that into you is because i acted in the way that I NEVER HAD TO BE ON CAMERA. anyway, thanks for buying tons of the poker face single because it sounds DIRTY.

i really missed being on hamish and andy for pants off friday. doing a radio show in your boxers is kinda of awesome you guys.

also thank you for Saying nice Things about the new album. i went into the music emporium closest to our house in LA and bought 50 copies. not even lying. it was really weird walking into a store that had my face all over the walls and buying my own album. the girl at the counter looked terrified. i'm sorry, angela. (it said that on your name badge i'm not creepy. it is a nice name!)

as i am sure everyone knows the resistour is beginning on the 4th of december, just a week awaaaay. we'll be flying into the uk early to get the kids settled. i am not sure if i'm looking forward to touring with three kids or not. i mean, i could tour with jarrod for months, he is a chill dude. it is anita griffin and katie laine i am worried about. they are some sassy midgets, you guys. it terrifies me every single day. so badly, in fact, that when i turned around and katie was standing up hanging onto the coffee table for dear life, going ^_^ at me, i may have overreacted slightly and yelled out for jules to come and see how his daughter was RUINING MY LIFE BY GROWING UP. STOP IT. then i took pictures for an hour. then i took pictures of jarrod for an hour. and then both together. and then i took pictures of clover & bowser because boo wouldn't come near me. at least we have our epic childcare provider luke hagen. and before anybody asks because i know everyone will I KNEW LUKE BEFORE KHERI KNEW BECKY. WE ARE BROS.

a Thing To Know: please stop emailing hot rod about single releases and videos because he gets very crotchety when his email inbox is over 500. nobody likes grumpy hot rod. the new single will be undisclosed desires. yes it is a sexy song about my husband and please can nobody say nasty things about it on the internet, because that makes me sad.

if you will excuse me, internets, i have to go stop my father from forcing my 9 month old daughter to hold a rock band microphone with my 6 month old son holding rock band drum sticks and my 2 month old nephew laying next to a plastic guitar hero controller, for photos he can default on facebook.

alfie laine gives an update

i have not responded to any emails for roughly a month, and that seems to have freaked everyone out and made them started a whole post full of rumours that i died or something. i did not die, i just no longer have a life where i can sit down for three hours to write back to people like i used to. i am really sorry but i will explain. well, it's more like i need to say some things rather than explain.

as mostly everyone knows, jules' son is due in june. he's OUR son, but i have no legal claim to him right now. thus, the problem. yes, we are in the middle of a very painful and high-emotion custody battle. it's very difficult to continue to fight when you know the main defending argument is going to be that we have mental issues and we're in a gay relationship. neither of those things have any bearing on us raising our daughter katie together. i know that jules could probably stand some therapy, but i also know he doesn't want it and he's actually high-functioning without it, unlike me. it is enough for him to talk to me. he's not crazy. i'm not crazy. i am on medication, i stopped drinking, i speak to two separate shrinks depending on which part of the world i'm in. we, unlike the biological mother of our son, try to stabilise ourselves. we try to make a family work. it's even more difficult for us to try and fight across the other side of the world. we don't feel comfortable dragging a two-month old baby born five weeks premature on a 25 hour flight just yet, and somehow we are the ones to pay for it. it is staggering the amount of trouble we are getting when we know we are the only choice for little froggit. he has nothing with his birth mother. he has a big sister, a home, a family, a life with jules and i. more to the point, we actually want him. the one thing i don't want to happen is for this to drag out any longer than it has to. it is killing us all as it is. if he is given to her we will still fight her for as long as it takes.

since i know half the readers skipped over serious family trouble to find out when the new album will be out, i don't know when, guys. when we've got free time, jules and cody and i are in the studio fleshing out some new tracks. actually, jules was recording the drums to a new song in our backyard yesterday. we're trying some new things and it won't be for everyone, i guess, but i know a lot of people didn't like the newish way we went with BH&R, either. there comes a point in your career where you really have to stop making music you think people will like and make what you want to make. i am not sure i've ever written a fanservice song but i am always conscious of what is going to work for fans. i know it is going to get me in trouble but whatever the label tells you the release date is, it isn't. they are pushing us too hard for a release and tour and it's not going to happen, people. i know you're all really excited for new soundwave music but you have to understand our families come before you and the music. regardless, we ARE recording. not writing and arranging, we're recording. just hold onto your stylish top hats.

i miss my seester very much. i miss you, lemon.

anita almost pulled the bookcase on top of her head yesterday. if this is going to be what it's like to have a toddler... i am excited. hells yeah, danger at every turn.

i have a very bad wound on my hand so recording has slowed as of late. i was trying to use a knife to open the new milo tin and i stabbed myself. i know, i know, "use a spoon, alfie!" jules kissed it better and rinsed the blood off. after a while. then elaine rang right on time and we asked how the hell to bandage a stab wound and she was hysterical for a few seconds. i love elaine. i wish my mum would call me.

cody's hands are too big for finger snapping. my fingers are too skinny. jules' are just right. everything about jules is just right.

despite the trouble i have a great life. it is funny how many problems can be solved by a little girl who has my eyes and a short half-asian man. half-pint half-asian. i love you.

it was worth letting your children out of your sight, mum.

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i said shake it, don't break it

thank you to the people that came to the release party in Melbourne tonight! last night.. whatever.
buy the album, it is freaking excellent. I know, cause I wrote every note and word and noise.
also, enjoy it please.

we are so sorry about the impromptu game of indoor footy, by the way. my little brother Abram may be a dick, but he is an AFL star in the making.
he really sucks drunk though.
even i'm better.

my dog has now seen fit to grace me with her presence.
she hates me when I am drunk and likes to stay away until I look sober. I cuddle too much.
we are watching Return of the Jedi until sleep deems it time to visit me and I can wake up vaguely rested and not so hungover for my flight to LA. goodbye for now, sunburned land.
hello in a day, my sister and a very, very unsettling wonderwoman who looks lovely in white.

i'm sorry i'm bad i'm sorry i'm blue

i'm so sorry to everybody waiting for the UK tour. you've all probably heard the news that our motherland visit has been indefinitely postponed. you can be angry at us, i don't mind, we deserve it for the last-minute cancellation. if anything, be mad at me because i love my sister more than i love my job. we are definitely rescheduling to fit the UK into a proper, big tour. more dates, better show. that is a promise, and you may fire your linoleum crossbow into my head if ever you feel like i broke it.

here are some words that i wrote

It's my birthday today, my sister bought me scarves and cake. We are eating it with sporks right now (the cake, not the scarves). It is DELICIOUS.